This blog is like Seinfeld. It's not really "about" anything.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

now you see it...

Driving to central FL this weekend on Hwy 27, I passed a place called "Vanishing Species", which looked like a cheap knockoff of Lion Country Safari. I was thinking, what types of "vanishing species" could someone be keeping in this ramshackle farm in the middle of nowhere? Then I just assumed it was a small group of caged teenagers who act polite, drive defensively, and wear clothing that fits. That's the only vanishing species I can think of around here...

Thursday, March 23, 2006

no autographs, please

Working From Home: Advantage #264 - You get to listen to the radio all day. Which has enabled me to make my second appearance in as many weeks on a major American media outlet. I'm sure you all saw me when I was featured on NBC's Today Show on March 10 as "Woman on Street in Blue Hat, Waving Hello". The powers-that-be must have seen my performance, because that opened the door to my next appearance this afternoon on Kool 105.5's Lunchtime Cafe with Chef Mike Perry. I was invited to be featured as "The Tenth Caller". I was caught by surprise, however when I dialed in and actually got through on the first try. I had just taken an enormous bite of meatloaf and potatoes, so when the DJ answered, I was only able to muster a muffled "Am-I-da-tenf-carler?". As good fortune would have it, I WAS da tenf carler! For my appearance, I was paid generously with dinner for two at Costello's Ristorante Italiano. If you wish to book me for similar appearances, like "Inarticulate Crime Eyewitness" on the local news, or "Woman Falling on Wedding Cake" in Funniest Home Videos, please call my agent.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

start spreadin' the news

Well what's the point of a blog if I don't ramble endlessly about my vacation to NYC? No, I didn't drive in Manhatten this time. And there's a van driver out there somewhere who's REALLY happy about that.

These are two of the dearest women that I know. Take a good look because you won't see quality like this again...until you meet a couple of my other friends.

Katie, Nancy, say hello to the People! Honestly, People have you ever seen two more glowing women in your entire life? I love these girls.

They were my travel partners. There's not enough space on the Blogger server to tell of all the fun, laughter, and joy we experienced along the way, but I can certainly share some highlights. We'd only been together for 30 minutes before breaking into fits of laughter when Nancy actually used the word "diseased" in a sentence. "Diseased" became the keyword for the rest of the trip. We strove to use it as often as possible. Anyway, here's a quick rundown of the events that transpired:

  • Arrived at the hotel where Katie immediately had an AWESOME bottle of champagne and some sweet treats sent up from room service!!
  • Had some of the most delicious Chinese food EVER at a restaurant near Grand Central. Sorry I can't remember the name, but it's down the way from "Saga" on Lexington Ave. Please eat there, and order the cashew chicken.
  • Went ice skating at Rockefeller Center. I thought it would be funnier and more memorable if one of us fell, so I did. Yes, that's why I fell. Twice.
  • Awesome dinner at the Pig & Whistle. Please eat there, too, and order the Shepherd's Pie. Great call, Katie.
  • Nightcaps for everyone at Peter Dillons! 140 E 40th. Please drink there, and order the Blackberry Schnapps. And if you see a guy that's a dead ringer for Brenden Frasier, give him my undying devotion...
  • Next morning, up at 5 am for our scheduled appearance on the "Today Show" (Scheduled by none other than "us"). It feels wrong for me to divulge the details of that little jaunt. That's a story for another day. On a high note, we got our photo taken with Katie Couric.
Yes, Katie C. was really that cute in real life, Matt was hot, Anne was gorgeous, and Al was adorable. By the way, I'm the lumbering Amazon on the right that looks like a partially fallen willow tree.
  • Later that day, more shopping, then R&R at the hotel. Then showered and dressed for dinner in Little Italy. If "Luna" on Mulberry St. is closed, please eat at La Nonna. Order anything BUT the house Cabernet. Shopping in Chinatown was very productive. They carry bubble gum flavored Chap-et, which I heard all the celebs are grappling for.
  • One white-knuckle cab ride later (thanks Habib) we were back at Peter Dillions. Since Brenden Frasier wasn't there, we went belly up to the hotel bar instead. Many thanks to the ol' fart with awful teeth who provided many laughs that night.
  • 8 rejuvenating-hours-of-sleep later we were on our way to the "Spirit of NJ" for our boat tour of the Hudson river. Everyone on the boat got to see a majestic lady that day. But enough about me! We also got to see the Statue of Liberty! Seriously though, best $32 I ever spent. Included a DELICIOUS buffet lunch. Oh, I have a message for the guy sitting beside us: Mr Ed called and he wants his laugh back.
  • Upon debarking, it was more shopping, then off to Sardi's for drinks and appetizers! Since anything more would have required a 2nd mortgage on our homes we were off to the Joshua Tree in the Theater District for something more substantial. If you don't go anywhere else in NYC, please go there and ask for Lindsay. She was the sweetest thing EVER. Thank you Lindsay, we had a blast!!
  • Finally, we graced the "Cutting Room" with our presence for one final cocktail, and were subsequently asked to relenquish our desirable and comfy red leather chairs for a party of folks who apparently planned to spend more money than us. Clearly they didn't know who we were. Hmph!!
  • The next day it was off to the airport and back to the real world where draft beer no longer costs $6, where a continental breakfast no longer costs $22, and where you're allowed to bring your giant pretzel into the hotel bar without being scolded!!
::Sigh:: I miss my friends. But through lots of pictures, memories, and the laughter-induced soreness in my ribs, I carry them with me always.

Monday, March 13, 2006

talk amongst yourselves!!

I found myself absolutely choking back the tears during this clip. A HUGE thank you to my good buddy Red Gump for sending me that!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

you can't take it with you...nor should you

At the Dollar Tree today I noticed a product called "Disposable Douche". Is there some "other" kind that I'm not aware of?