This blog is like Seinfeld. It's not really "about" anything.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

humble beginnings

This is an avocado tree that has been sprouted from a pit. On Sunday it was 1 inch tall, and now as you can see it's pushing 4 inches in less than one week. If you stare at it long enough you can almost see it move. Sprouting an avocado tree is just about the easiest thing in the world to do.

1) Eat an avocado.
2) Save the pit.
3) Wrap the pit in a wet double paper towel.
4) Place towel and pit in sealed Ziplock bag.
5) Throw it under your kitchen sink for a few weeks and forget about it.
6) After a few weeks, take it out, rinse off the slime.
7) Plant it in a pot about a half inch below the soil.
8) Water it so the soil never gets too muddy or too dry.

And that's pretty much it. Why couldn't all living things be this easy to care for? Wouldn't it be great if you could wrap up your bratty teenager in a wet paper towel and toss him under the sink for awhile, only to be retrieved weeks later, ready to grow into a mature adult??

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

penny for your thoughts

Katie has brought my attention to today's Yahoo! cover story:

Synopsis: President Lincoln had an unusual degree of facial asymmetry, possibly caused when he was kicked in the head by a horse as a child.

Apparently, we've finished analyzing Hilary Clinton's hips, Seal's mystical cheek scars, and Tara Reid's botched franken-boobs. We've beaten the proverbial horse to death (perhaps as revenge for that kick in the head) and have now moved on to the physical imperfections of historical figures!

I can't think of a better use of anyone's time then creating highly technical scans of Lincoln's face to compare the circumference of his eye sockets. Brilliant! And I'm glad this face thing is now getting more attention than that silly Emanu...Emanga...Emanci...I dunno, some sort of Proclamation thingy. This is something that today's youth can really relate to. He's finally done something worthy of getting that lopsided face stamped on a penny!

Saturday, August 04, 2007

what not to wear

I think the woman in the Detrol LA commercials would have a lot more fun at the party if she didn't wear the sandwich board.

There are 2 things about this commercial that I find noteworthy. First, I don't think you could pay me enough to be in a commercial where I have to pretend I've lost control of a bodily function. It's going to happen for real eventually anyway, so I'd rather not have the world think it's happening now. Or worse yet, the dreaded STD medications. What happens when you tell people what you do for a living?

Date: So, what do you do?
You - I'm a commercial actress.
Date - Cool! What commercials have you been in?
You - ::coughValtrexcough::
Date - Would you excuse me? My beeper is going off.
You - You don't have a beeper.
Date [awkward silence] Would you excuse me?

I'd lie.

Date: So, what do you do?
You - I'm a commercial actress.
Date - Cool! What commercials have you been in?
You - Swiffer.

Secondly, check out the insensitive bitches on the left side of the photo, whose faces are contorted into fits of laughter at this woman's shame. The one on the far left is laughing so hard, she's actually bent over. Well, karma is an insensitive bitch too, and I hope she deals both of these women a bout of chronic, fiery, explosive diarrhea that they'll never forget. Then Miss Thang on the left will really have a reason to bend over.

Who's the party-pooper now?

Thursday, August 02, 2007

super bawl sunday


Steelers' Wilson feels slighted

Cedrick Wilson feels ignored and he's not happy about it. The Steelers receiver complained yesterday that his quarterbacks don't throw the ball his way enough in practice or games, even when he's wide open. "I come out here and work hard just like everybody else. I deserve a couple of passes," an angry Wilson said shortly after morning practice ended on a pass play that provoked an outburst by him.

Moooom!! Ben Roethlisberger won't throw me the baaaallllll!!!